When Firestar Ate Someone
by redstar-leader-of-thunderclan
Summary: One day, Firestar decided to eat someone... this leads to a very hard habit to break. Firestar has turned cannibalistic. Who will he eat next? The first chapter was a joke. Amazingly, the story has grown into something beyond that joke. Don't be afraid to read this... despite the amount of chapters, the chapters are very short, so go... delve into the craziness.
1. Chapter 1

**I rewrote the first chapter. Here is the original chapter and author's note:**

**I thought this would be a nice story to write. I hope you like it!**

Firestar once decided to eat somebody. He went out and picked a warrior. He ended up eating Brambleclaw. "Yummy!" Firestar exclaimed. The End.

**Oh, by the way, I only wrote this to see how many bad reviews I could get. So, obviously this was just for fun. OK? Now go review!**

* * *

**And here is the rewrite:**

****The day had been long and hard. All Firestar wanted to do was sit down and eat some dinner. However, he was completely and totally sick of mice. So he had decided to Google some new recipes. After about the tenth page of Google links (who looks that far on Google?) he finally found one that looked promising: Delicious Recipes For Cats. He clicked on it and waited for it to load.

"I have got to get faster internet for the clan. Because this 6-seconds to load thing is way to long," Firestar muttered to himself. Once the page loaded, he was amazed to find out that the recipes were for _cats_, as in, eating cats! But he became enthralled with the recipes, wondering what they would taste like. He smiled an evil smile, the kind that men in old movies with the twirly mustache have. You know what kind I'm talking about. The men about to ravage young girls, run people over with trains, etc.

"Brambleclaw! Get your kitty butt in here!" Firestar screamed for his deputy. Brambleclaw quickly entered the den.

"Yeah, boss? What's up?" Brambleclaw's mind was distracted, thinking about Squirrelflight who was waiting for him in their private den...

"I want to eat you," Firestar informed him. Brambleclaw raised an eyebrow but didn't have time to say anything before Firestar pounced on him and ate him whole, totally raw. But he then realized what he had done and immediately vomited Brambleclaw right back up onto the rug.

"HOLY FUCKING STARCLAN, FIRESTAR! YOU ATE ME! YOU FUCKING ATE ME!" Brambleclaw shrieked before running out of the den. Firestar shrugged and quickly disappeared into the kitchen, to get some gummy worms.

**There you go. Rewritten. Much better, no?**

**Flames are appreciated, though reviews in general are appreciated, very appreciated.**

**Disclaimer that I forgot: I do not own warriors, google or... yeah. I own the idea of a cannabilistic Firestar, so if anyone steals it, I'll know. Mmk? **


	2. Ashfur

**Hello again. As I have gotten 21 reviews for this absouletely terrible story (though, they were not all bad. WHY???!!!) I decided why not post another chapter? So here we are. Another dumb chapter.**

"Firestar, I don't want to be eaten," Ashfur whimpered in front of the greatest leader ever.

"To bad. You must be eaten," Firestar answered. Then Firestar pounced on Ashfur and gobbled him up.

"That was so much tastier than a mouse!" Firestar remarked.

"Firestar? Why are you eating cats?" Leafpool asked as she walked into his den.

**More bad reviews? PLEASE! Hmmmmm, If I get 5 bad reviews I will put up another terrible chapter! And by the way I have written an actual good story called, Internet, Cellphones, and What?! In the Warriors one. Okie dokies, then. Bye!**


	3. Yummy

**Here is a new Firestar eating someone chapter. I still would enjoy some bad reviews! It is actually my goal to get a hundred bad reviews for this story. I'm not really trying with this story. This story is just for bad reviews. But if you actually like it that's fine with me!**

"Leafpool? I am eating cats because they are much more delicious than mice," Firestar answered happily.

"Dad, you ate your deputy. If I hadn't made you spit him back up you wouldn't have a deputy OR a son-in-law. If you're going to eat cats eat Shadowclan. How did Ashfur taste by the way?" Leafpool asked her father.

"He was a little bitter and sour. But he was okay. Can you bring me Blackstar?" Firestar asked Leafpool.

"I'll have Lionpaw go get him. And could you eat Nightpelt or whatever Crowfeather's mate's name is?"Leafpool mewed hopefully.

"Of course, hon. I'll have her for breakfast," Firestar mewed back to his daughter.

**Ah, another really short chapter done. It's refreshing to write such short chapters. Much easier than writing for my other story. Don't forget the bad reviews!**


	4. Blackstar is sad

**Here is another chapter. For some messed up, Starclan knows why reason, you people seem to like this story. Even though I ask for flames, I get good reviews. Maybe I'll actually turn this story into something. Maybe. Just maybe.**

"Here's Blackstar. I have what's-her-name tied to a rock. I've really been feeding her to make sure she fattens up," Lionpaw meowed as he entered his leader/grandpa's den. Lionpaw had Blackstar handcuffed and was walking him much like you would see a cop with a criminal. Or a guard with a prisoner. However you choose to picture this particular scene, I guess. Blackstar gulped. He knew he was about to get eaten.

"Any last words, yummy dinner?" Firestar asked with some weird evil smile on his face. "I've always wanted to say that!" Firestar mewed happily then put the weird smile thing back on his face. Litterally. He actually taped it back on there.

"Um, Firestar? When did you become a cannibal?" Blackstar asked Firestar who was licking his lips.

"A few days ago. I got annoyed with Brambleclaw and bit him. He tasted good so I ate him. But Leafpool made me spit him up," Firestar answered. Blackstar cast a glance towards the kitchen in one corner of the den. There was a fridge, oven, and counter. Then Blackstar looked at the small table Firestar was standing in front of.

"Firestar? Are you going to eat me alive? And cook me alive?" Blackstar asked and to his credit he voice didn't shake. He didn't shudder either. This author however would have most likely been freaking out and screaming at the prospect of being eaten alive.

"Maybe. Who knows?" Firestar answered.

"You are!?" Blackstar shrieked in disbelief. Lionpaw snuck up behind Blackstar with a needle. He plunged it into Blackstar's back.

"He'll be unconscious for the eating, Firestar," Lionpaw said at the same time as Blackstar fell over.

"Good."

**It's kind of sad that Firestar's a cannibal, isn't it? Ah, but some find this story disturbing. Here's a review that I think you all should read: who do u think u are...words can not even begin to express how disapointed i  
am with this pore inhuman excuse for a story i hope that the people that read  
this story will see the wrong in its pathatic wording, its very wrong and i  
hope you never ever in your life as a "writer" write a story like this its the  
most unappling depressing story and i will never look at firestar the same way  
again, i now officially hate firestar i hope he dies in the next book and that  
his soul will not make it to star clan... you make me happy... remenber this  
review and all you people that read it, because if i find another stary like  
it it will be as long as this one... also a few more words of advise, if you  
are going to make fire star eat anyone it should be Mothwing ew!i hate her and  
then he can eat heatherpaw she bugs me too!all well until next time my friend  
and remember remember i am always watching always...**** bye. Um, I think I am Brittany. And Firestar dieing is not wonderful. And I like Mothwing. And the cannibalism is disgusting me also. I think I might change this story a bit. Sooooo....anyway. Well, don't forget bad reviews!**


	5. Yummy Yummy In My Tummy

**Here is yet another terrible chapter. Oh, please, write a bad review.**

"I found Blackstar quite delicious. He was a little tough, but otherwise he tasted all right," Firestar said after gobbling up poor, poor, Blackstar. Firestar then hopped into his king-sized feather bed and fell asleep. Lionpaw cleaned up the mess and exited the den. As Lionpaw padded across the clearing he heard the whimpering cries of whatever-her-name-is, as she awaited being eaten in the morning.

**And thank you some people for pointing out that there is really no point to this story and it is not ment to offend anybody. It is just a joke story. So please do not be offended. However, I'm starting to feel sick writing about canniblisim. It's too sick. Maybe I'll change this story a bit. Because it's getting disturbing to write about.**


	6. Nightmonkey or Whateverhernameis

**I'm quite sorry to say, but, I've decided this story will feature less cannibalistic things. Maybe. I don't know yet. I'm going to try to make it a bit more easy to stomach, though. And I've been told that some people enjoy the cannibalism. But I don't know...  
**

"Good morning! Breakfast will feature Nightdog, right?" Firestar meowed to Dustpelt.

"Um, her name is Nightcloud and we all have decided that you eating cats is barbaric," Dustpelt answered.

"So? Besides, I was rather looking forward to eating Nightthief," Firestar answered, stretching.

"No, Firestar. You will not be eating Nightlitter," Brambleclaw meowed as he walked into the den.

"My name is Nightcloud!" Nightsponge screamed from the clearing.

"Who cares? I do not. Now bring me my breakfast!" Firestar screamed.

"Never!" came a mysterious voice form the clearing.

**Was that any better? I don't really want to spare Nightfreak's life though.**


	7. Bob the Lobster

**I have no idea where to take this story. I'm going to set up a poll on my profile to see if I should keep cannibalism or do a chapter more like the one I'm about to write.**

"You will never eat my beautiful Nightcloud! Never!" Blackclaw yowled.

"Why is a Riverclan cat here?" Firestar asked a bewildered Brambleclaw.

"Why should I know?" Brambleclaw asked. Lionpaw then entered the room with a platter.

"Anyway. Firestar could I interest you in a lobster?" Lionpaw asked.

"No! I want Nightcloud!" Firestar screamed.

"But, Firestar, lobster is delisious," Lionpaw and Brambleclaw answered the leader.

"Fine. I'll try it," Firestar muttered. Lionpaw lifted the lid and presented a lobster.

"No! Don't eat me! Please! I'm not dead yet!" the lobster pleaded.

"Bob! No! Bob? Where are you, Bob?" Another lobster yelled from the kitchen.

"Why is he named Bob?" Firestar asked the other cats.

"I don't know, he just is," Brambleclaw answered.

**If you don't want cannibalism, I'll have to type these kind of chapters but I don't have much fun writing these. They're boring.**


	8. Poor Nightyummy!

**Even though I thought that all of you would really want cannibalism to go bye-bye, you all said you wanted to keep cannibalism. Um, I guess I will then. If you don't like it, please refrain from calling me sick, disgusting, gross, or repulsive. I find being called those things very unkind. Here's your new chapter I guess.**

"I hate lobster! It is sickening. I would like Nightyummy to be served with a sprinkling of mouse meat over her. Thank you very much," Firestar instructs his new personal servant, Berrynose. Berrynose rushed off and came in with the meal.

"Yes! I do so love Nightmeat for breakfast!" Firestar cheered and gobbled up his meal.

"She tasted somewhat… insecure. Kind of… weak. And soft. But she was good. Not nearly as good as Blackstar, though," Firestar mewed and then pranced off to do leader duties.

"We have got to do something about him. He can't keep eating clan cats. Maybe we could serve him rouges and loners?" Sandstorm asked Leafpool.

" I thought that Firestar was supposed to be good! And now he eats all the cats! What's up with that?" Daisy asked as she walked over.

**Love it? Hate it? Wish I would go torture my self? Not going to happen. You should review. I'd love you forever if you did review! You know you want to press that button. Come on… press it…**


	9. Daisy is a Nag

**Hello! It is 80 degrees out! And I am inside typing this for all you wonderful people. May I say that it will be in the 50's for quite a while after this?**

"OMS! Did you just say you did not think Firestar was good anymore! You shall get eaten!" Berrynose screamed.

"Noooo!!!!!! Spiderleg, save me!" Daisy screamed. Spiderleg walked up to her.

"Nah, you always did nag a bit too much for my taste. I can finally get married to my scented candle! Good riddance, you old nag!" Spiderleg laughed evily and walked away.

"Oh no! Who shall save me? Cloudtail?" Daisy yelled. **(AN: Personally I think she should just shut up and get eaten.) **Cloudtail pads over.

"I love Brightheart! Not you, mousebrain," Cloudtail mews and walks away.

"Wait… did my own son say I would be eaten?" Daisy asks no one in particular.

"Yeah, he did. Feels pretty wonderful to be betrayed by your own kin doesn't it?" TigerCLAW **(AN: Sorry about the whole claw thing. It's just I don't want to believe that Starclan let him be a leader.)** meowed from somewhere in his little dark forest thing.

"WTS? Why is this world so cruel!?" Daisy yowled.

"I'll be eating you for lunch! Mwah-ha-ha!" Firestar laughed evily from the highledge.

**Yeah, yeah. I know. It was pretty suckish. But I want to be outside so I did a fast, short chapter. Go click the review button as I love to hear from you! And, no, I have not given up on my quest for bad reviews.**


	10. Daisy Gets Eaten

**It is hot out! But here I am, yet again… Happy tenth chapter! Yup, This is the TENTH chapter! Yes! You all get a virtual cat cookie (they are made out of cat, Firestar made them)! **

"Lunch time! Daisy, darling, we simply must be eating you!" Firestar called in a kind of English accent. Daisy was lead in by Brackenfur.

"Please, Firestar! Don't eat me!" Daisy pleaded.

"No, I think I shall eat you!" Firestar yelled and ate Daisy. Berrynose sauntered in.

"Alas, my mother is gone! Whatever shall I do? Ah, who cares?" Berrynose pretended to be distressed. Firestar just looked at Berrynose and went out on patrol.

"Firestar! I know just who you should eat next!" Lionpaw called from a tree.

**Why is Lionpaw in a tree? That question will never be answered. But who shall he eat next? I just put up a poll on my profile. Go vote. You get to choose who will be eaten! By the way, my chapters are so short because I when I get time to type I like to write longer chapters for my other story. **


	11. Meow

**Hello! Firstly, I wanted to make it clear that I have read up to Long Shadows, but I started typing this before Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather were given their warrior names. So I will continue to refer to them in their "paw" name. And I should be studying for a history test, but I'd rather type this. Oh, and by the way, I've been on a quest for as many spoilers for Sunrise as possible. Because I do not enjoy the third series, I don't want to waste my time and money on that book. But I will buy it. But spoilers would be much appreciated. **

"I think Hollypaw should be eaten!" Lionpaw called form his spot in the tree. Firestar looked at Lionpaw.

"Why, eating my own granddaughter! That would be just… weird. But, she has been a pain lately. Yes, I will have her for breakfast!" Firestar announced. Brambleclaw was balling. Whitewing looked like she might puke. Sandstorm was staring at her mate like she did not know him anymore.

"My Starclan! You're going to eat your own granddaughter? Firestar, I have non idea who you are anymore! You eat cats all the time. Why, if you're going to eat Hollypaw I wouldn't be surprised if you decided to try to eat me next!" Sandstorm mewed with shock. Firestar looked ashamed.

"I would never eat you! But Hollypaw is different. She's like bad and evil and such. **(Yes I did read somewhere online that she is evil, but is it true?)** Lionpaw said she should be eaten. And so she will be. He is her own brother after all!" Firestar mewed, trying to defend himself.

"You know what Firestar? I am done with you. Why don't you bring Spottedleaf back to life? I'm sure she'll love you no matter what," Sandstorm mewed, clearly annoyed.

"Wait! Sandstorm! No! Don't go!" Firestar called. Sandstorm stopped and turned around.

"No, Firestar. I do not plan on staying in your den. I'll be staying with Leafpool. I will not even look at you," Sandstorm meowed angrily. She spun around and left. Spottedleaf pops out of nowhere.

"I suppose everyone thinks I'm going to take advantage of this? Well, then, you're right!" Spottedleaf mewed happily and padded off with the now happy Firestar, tails intertwined.

**Okay, I lied. Hollyleaf will not be eaten until the next chapter. This chapter was purposely not funny. Sorry. I just wanted to start making Firestar realize that eating cats is wrong. And remember spoilers for Sunrise are appreciated. **


	12. Hollypaw is shocked

**Hey, cat lovers. Oh, and I thought I'd let you all know I am done questing for spoilers. There is no sense in my getting the book but I will. Thanks, all of you. And I will be using plenty of spoilers in this chapter. Oh, and I love Firestar. I have no reason to hate him. This story is not meant to make people hate him.**

"So, you're eating Hollypaw?" Spottedleaf asked Firestar. She gave him a look that meant she disapproved.

"Why, yes I am. But you aren't going to leave me because of that, right?" Firestar asked his dear Spottedleaf.

"Why, of course I won't be! I finally have a chance to be with you! I would never ever leave you!" Spottedleaf cryed out in surprise.

"Good, I love you. Much more than Sandstorm," Firestar answered.

"OMS! Firestar! Hollypaw is ready to be eaten!" Berrynose yowled. Berrynose came rushing into the den with Hollypaw.

"Oh, yes! I can not wait! I saw the future and found out that she dies anyway! So why not let her die now? Oh, and by the way, Crowfeather and Leafpool are your parents. And a tunnel collapses on you! So why not eat you now?" Firestar mewed to Hollypaw.

"What? Noooooooo! Eat me now!" Hollypaw screamed in agony. Firestar eats Hollypaw.

"Yummy," Firestar meows.

"Firestar! If you do not stop eating cats I will no longer be your BFF!"

**So, yeah. Firestar can see the future. How amazing. I am trying to get 200 reviews! So review, review, review!**


	13. OMS

**Yeah, I'm posting two chapters in one day. But you know. I still want 200 reviews! The 200****th**** reviewer gets… I don't know. Maybe a secret chapter? Or would that person prefer a virtual plushie?**

"Graystipe! Why would you not be my friend?" Firestar cryed in disbelief. Graystripe padded over to him.

"Great Starclan! Firestar eating cats is wrong!" Graystripe yowled in his face.

"Would it be less wrong if I let you have some?" Firestar asked the fluffy gray cat. Graystripe shook his head in disgust and walked away.

"I'm eating Sandstorm!" FIrestar announced. Everyone looked shocked. Sandstorm stepped out of her daughter's den.

"You can not be serious. You would never eat your ex-mate!" Sandstorm meowed in disbelief.

"How would you know?" Firestar asked. Spottedleaf stared at him. Firestar ate Sandstorm.

"OMS! I can not believe I just did that!" Firestar yowled, guiltily. Firestar ran off into the woods. Spottedleaf went chasing after him.

**Holy Starclan! Did Firestar actually just eat the mother of his kits?! Don't forget to review! I might be ending this story soon, by the way. I might make it only 20 chapters long. Just long enough to get rid of a few more hated cats. REVIEW!!!**


	14. Breezepaw

**I got my 200****th**** reviewer! LenzieKat is the 200****th**** reviewer! Her prize will be a chapter featuring her own choice of a cat being eaten! She'll be getting her prize. So, I now have 200 reviews! And you know what, I really, really hope for 300 reviews before the end of this story! So, you people are awesome and should review!**

"Firestar! It was just Sandstorm! Calm down!" Spottedleaf meowed to the sobbing tom. She sat down by him and resting her cheek on his head.

"Firestar, you'll be okay. Calm," Spottedleaf whispered soothingly.

"Yes, but I ate the mother of my kits! Now what?!" Firestar cryed out.

"Eat Breezepaw. The author wants you to eat Breezepaw," Spottedleaf told him. All of a sudden Firestar perked up.

"Oh yes! I would love to eat Breezepaw!" Firestar shouted. Spottedleaf nodded.

"Berrynose, get Breezepaw!" Spottedleaf shouted towards the stone hollow. Berrynose rushes off to Windclan and grabs Breezepaw.

"Here you go! Hope he tastes good!" Berrynose meowed to the flame colored tom. Firestar ate Breezepaw.

"He was bitter! Goodness, I have never ever tasted such and odd flavor!" Firestar exclaimed in surprise.

**Wow. Firestar could use some therapy, don't you think?**


	15. Shadowclan?

**Hey everyone! No, please do not send an angry mob after me! My computer committed suicide so I have to use my brother-in-law's laptop. So, updating will not happen often during the summer... quite sorry for that! And, by the way, this is my 200****th**** reviewers prize chapter!**

"Seriously, why must you go on a vacation, daddy?" Squirrelflight asked Firestar.

"Well, Spottedleaf thinks it would be good for me. I'll only be in the Shadowclan camp! Don't worry!" And with that, Firestar trots off to Shadowclan.

"Why, hello, Firestar! What a nice surprise to see you here!" Cryed out Tawnypelt. Firestar had a polite coversation with her. He then saw Tigerkit.

"Holy Starclan! That kit looks yummy! And he is named Tigerkit?! Why, he must be eaten!" Firestar cryed out. He charged at poor Tigerkit.

"Eek! You can't eat my kit!" Tawnypelt shrieked. But it was too late. Tigerkit was already resting in Firestar's stomach.

"OMS! YOU ATE MY KIT!" Tawnypelt screamed at Firestar. Firestar ran for home. He came running through the entrance.

"I am so so so sorry everyone! I ate Tigerkit! I couldn't help it! He looked so yummy! Prepare for a Shadowclan attack!" Firestar yowled and then broke into tears. Spottedleaf wrapped her tail around his shoulders and led him to his den.

**It sucked. Yes, I am quite aware that this chapter is a piece of crap. I'm sorry Lenziekat... I don't mean to disapoint you. So, to compensate for this sucky chapter, Lenziekat can decide how Shadowclan will attack Thunderclan. And what I mean by that is, like if they will attack them with hotdogs or something.**


	16. Hotdogs and Banana's

**Yes, I am updating!!! Everyone should do a dance! The reasons I am updating is because I made my account on my brother-in-law's computer, so he can't come look at my stuff. I'm bored, and I just HAD to write. Even if I am writing a chapter for a story that was written just to plan suck. By the way, I'm using freaking word pad! BECAUSE HE DOESN"T HAVE WORD!!! Grr. Well, let's just get to the story!**

"What? Firestar!" Brambleclaw screamed as his leader ran up to his den. Firestar grabbed the banana's and ran back outside.

"Everyone! Grab some banana's! We will use them to attack Shadowclan when they get here!" Firestar shouted out to every cat. Brambleclaw conducted an orderly line as they all grabbed 4 or 5 banana's.

"Shadowclan has entered!" Blackstar shouted from the front of all of Shadowclan, including kits and elders. They all had hotdogs and piano's in their paws.

"Go! Everyone, aim and fire!" Firestar commanded his troops. All of Thunderclan aimed and threw their banana's.

"Ow! I got banana is my freaking eye! Throw everything, now!" Blackstar screamed. Piano's and hotdogs started flying. A piano hit Graystripe in the head. Graystripe collapsed and started to scream about fishies swimming.

"Retreat!" Blackstar yowled in pain, as his eyes had banana in them. Shadowclan ran for their little shadowy lives.

"Cease fire!" Firestar commanded as he watched the enemies retreat. Everyone stopped. "I could do with a cat right now..." Firestar muttered.

"I don't think so! You so need to attend CEA, Cat Eaters Anonymous. By the way, you ate Blackstar, so how did he come back?" Brambleclaw mewed to the poor Firestar. Firestar shrugged and walked away, chewing on a hotdog.

**Yup, there is your chapter! No, I will not be writing a chapter for **_**Internet, Cellphones, and What? **_**because those chapter must be at least 6 pages long, and I don't have time to type them. So fans of my other story will just have to wait until October (sorry!). I might update again for this story during the rest of the summer, but more than likely you will have to wait until October. So, sorry everyone!**

**Nighty, night,**

**~*Brittany*~**


	17. Tigerstar Wants to Talk

**Well, hello there! Quite sorry to all my Internet, Cellphones, and What? fans, for not updating, but those chapter are much, much longer that When Firestar Ate Someone chapters. So, where as, my ICW fans will have to wait until October, when my father ifnally get me my computer, all you WFAS fans get a chapter RIGHT NOW! Ooooohhhh, feel special? But I have to type it on this old dinosaur of a computer, so this whole story could be filled with gramatical and spelling mistakes. **

"Firestar!" Squirrelflight yowled from the clearing. Firestar poked his out of his den, looking at his daughter.

"Yes, Squirrelflight?" Firestar answered. Squirrelflight was holding Tigerstar byt eh scruff. Firestar, seeing this, hopped down into the clearing, padding over to his daughter and his dead enemy. "Well, erm, where did Tigerstar come from?" Firestar asked.

"He just poofed into the clearing. He said he would like a talk with you," Squirrelflight answered her father. Tigerstar nodded.

"Ha! _Riiiggghhhhttttt_, Tigerstar wants to _talk _with me! How mousebrained do you think I am? Tigerstar obviously just wants to kill me. Prepare him to be eaten!" Firestar mewed. Squirrelfight nodded and led Tigerstar over to The I Am About To Be Eaten Rock. Lionpaw and Berrynose then salted Tigerstar. Berrynose sprinkled on some pepper and led him back to Firestar.

"Oh, good! Wow, you look yummy, Tigerstar!" Firestar told the startled tom. Tigerstar cowered before the Thunderclan leader, as Firestar got prepared to pounce. Firestar jumped on poor Tigerstar. It was all over within a matter of 30 seconds.

"Aw, gross! He was sour! And tasted like a dead cat!" Firestar yowled as he downed a glass of water.

"Well, what the Starclan did you expect, Dad? He was dead already, you know!" Leafpool said, rolling her eyes. Firestar understood and walked off into the forest.

"We obviously have to do something with him! He's eaten 10 cats now!" Brambleclaw asked the clearing full of cats.

**Well, this is chapter 17 ( I don't count my author notes ), and I recall saying 20 chapters might be the end... If you want 20 chapter to be The End then please tell me. If you do not want this to happen, tell me. I don't want to end it yet, so I might just keep writing... until every cat is gone. That could take a very long time though. Aw, yes, I enlisted the help of a servant to tell me how many hits my story had. She reported back to me with the shocking news, that I had 5,849 hits! This of course, made my jaw drop. If I have over 5,000 hits, how come I only have around 200 reviews? Gosh, people! Review! And yes, that servant was one of my best friends, Heather. Now REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	18. Denial

**Well, here is your long-awaited chapter! I'm not even going to delay it with a long author's note!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story. Except, the idea itself.**

"I think we should throw him in jail!" cried out one cat, answering Brambleclaw's question. Other cats called out their suggestions.

"Well! Duh! He needs to go to CEA!" some cat screamed. Brambleclaw looked around and saw that Berrynose was chained to the Eating rock. The suggestion had come from a cat about to be eaten. Brambleclaw nodded. This seemed like a good idea ot him. Firestar ran out of his den right then, stopping in the midst of the crowd.

"What the Starclan is going on?" Firestar yelled. Brambleclaw muttered something that sounded like "Crazy" under his breath before walking up to the middle-ages leader.

"Well, like, dude. We all though, that you, dude, could really benefit from going to CEA!" Brambleclaw mewed, while he chugged down some diet coke.

"Cat Eaters Anonymous? I do not have an addiction!" Firestar yowled in disbelief.

"Too bad. You're going," Squirrelflight stated. She then dragged her father away and they both climbed into the awesome white bentley.

**So , Firestar is attending CEA! I have a question for you! What is your habit/addiction? Review me with answers!**


	19. Cheerfulheart

**I am extremely sorry that I haven't updated. I just really haven't felt like writing! I just barely look at how many reviews I have, and it's up to 348! That is crazy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or anything else mentioned in this story except for the story and idea itself.**

"Hello! Welcome to Cat Eater Anonymous! My name is Cheerfulheart!" the white fluffy cat sitting behind the desk exclaimed.

"Yes, hello, my name is Squirrelflight and this is my father, Firestar. He has an addi-" Squirrelflight was interrupted.

"OMS! Firestar? Wow! I have heard soooo much about you! You are that awesome cat who did a bunch of heroic things in the old forest but was totally forgotten about when we came to the lake!" Cheerfulheart gushed.

"I was NOT forgotten! And I do not need to be here!" Firestar meowed with indignation.

"Well, that's too bad. You are now here. CEA is a bit like rehab. You will not be going home between meetings. You will be staying in our Cat-Eating free environment," Cheerfulheart said with a serious voice. "Now, Squirrelflight, please fill out this HUGE stack of forms!" Cheerfulheart dropped a stack of forms on to the desk and turned away from the two cats.

"Oh, great. Just fucking lovely," Squirrelflight muttered as she brought the forms and Firestar over to the waiting area. She quickly tied Firestar's leash around a chair arm, which he immediantly began to gnaw at. Squirrelflight sighed and smacked her father before sitting down in a very uncomfortable chair. She began to fill out the forms.

THREE HOURS LATER

**Page 609**

**What is the applicant's favorite salad dressing? **_Ranch_

**Does the applicant enjoy frolicking in fields filled with gummy bears? **

"Firestar, do you enjoy frolicking in fields filled with gummy bears?" Squirrelflight asked her father who was reading a magazine about home improvement.

"Well, duh! Of course I do!" Firestar answered, giving his daughter a look that implied _she _was the one who was crazy.

ANOTHER THREE HOURS LATER

"Done!" Squirrelflight announced. She stood up slowing, wincing at the cramps in her legs. She then brought the forms over to the desk where Cheerfulheart was waiting.

"Oh, thank you dear!" Cheerfulheat said happily as she began to look over the form.

"See you, Squirreley!" Firestar screeched. Squirrelflight turned around fast enough too see her father running out of the building.

"No! Firestar! Dad! Come back!" Squirrelflight screamed as she chased her father.

**Ta-da! I wrote the chapter! Are you people not super happy? I'll update if I get a lot of bad reviews! Don't forget, Flame=GREAT! **


	20. Sobbing Firestar

**Wow! I am still greatly surprised at the number you readers who actually enjoy this story!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Warriors or anything else like that.**

"That is it Firestar! There is not way you are escaping again!" Squirrelflight screamed as she dragged the great leader across the floor by his tail. She brought him over to the desk where Cheerfulheart was waiting patiently. She offered Squirrelflight a rope. Squirrelflight grabbed the rope and tied her father up.

"Welcome back, Firestar! Now, please do not struggle as these huge strong cats bring you to your room where you will virtually have no contact with any cats for two weeks! Have a nice day!" Cheerfulheart exclaimed with extra cheerfulness. Two extra large cats walked into the room and picked up Firestar, who was quietly weeping. They carried him away from the waiting room down a long hallway.

"Bye, Dad! We'll come visit you in two weeks!" Squirrelflight called after the now sobbing Firestar.

"Here, take this nice pamphlet on Cat Eating, Squirrelflight!" Cheerfulheart handed her a pamphlet that had to be at least 50 pages long.

"Um... thanks! So, can some of us visit in two weeks? I know Spottedleaf will want to see him," Squirrelflight asked the white cat.

"Oh, yes! After Firestar has been through isolation he will be very happy to see you!" Cheerfulheart answered. She then stacked up some papers and moved them. "It was nice speaking to you Squirrelflight!" Cheerfulheart mewed to the ginger she-cat who was backing towards the door.

"Sure... bye!" Squirrelflight yelled over her shoulder as she sprinted out the door and into the car where Graystripe was waiting.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Graystripe inquired.

"Most definitely!' Squirrelflight said happily, despite that fact that she still had a picture of the great leader sobbing in her mind.

**Okay, well... yeah. Flame! I always enjoy a good flame!**


	21. WHAAATTT!

**Yeah, I know. I haven't updated in... um, forever. Sorry. But, highschool is hectic. I have piles of homework each night. Rather annoying. I hope you aren't mad at me. I'm not going to introduce every single cat you sent me. At least, not in this chapter. I tried. But I gave up. Really, introducing all twenty cats was impossible to do in one chapter. Well, somewhere around twenty. Anyway, I'm just going to go ahead and do the disclaimer. Oh! By the way, the cats you created, at the end of the chapter it will say who sent in each cat.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Warriors or almost any other thing in this story. I do, however, own the cats of my own creation (Cheerfulheart, etc.) and the idea of Firestar being cannibalistic. **

Firestar looked around his room (or as he liked to call it, Purgatory). It was 6 feet by 6 feet, with concrete walls and floors. There was a small, not very soft-looking, bed in the corner. In the other corner there was a litter box filled with gray litter. There wasn't a window in the place. The door didn't have a window either. Or even a doorknob on the inside, for that matter.

"Yes, Firestar. These are your quarters," Heatherclaw murmered gently. She was a counselor at C.E.A. She also was the best at making the cats feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Could be the drugs she sometimes slips them though...

"Pshaw. I am Firestar, Most Magnificent Leader of Thunderclan EVER!" He yowled. He then struck a heroic pose. "I am also the Best Hero Ever. I save EVERYONE. Even Shadowclan. Yeah, that's right. I am MAGICAL!" Firestar meowed with confidence. Heatherclaw nodded.

"I assure you, Most Magnificent Leader, that this the best room we have to offer. Now, you are here alone for the next two weeks. You will be given food three times a day, once at 8 AM, once at 1 PM, and once at 6 PM," Heatherclaw calmly told him. Firestar stared at her.

"Can I at least have a larger bed? And what the Dark Forest will I do in here? Chase my tail? Scratch the days into the wall? Break out into Song? I could sing TikTok for hours on end! _Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city! Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack! Cuz when I leave for the night I aint comin' back!_ Do you wanna hear that night and day? I wanna do SOMETHING. Sudoku? Crosswords? OMS! I'd even settle for being able to read _The Oddesey_," Firestar mewed in frustration. Heatherclaw stared at him.

"We'll see about the bigger bed... as for activities, you might attempt to kill yourself with a pencil. So, crosswords and Sudoku are out. And you could give yourself numerous paper cuts with The Oddesey. You are aloud to have a stuffed animal though. And a ball. And one of those soft baby books. That's about it though. You're gonna be bored. Too bad. Live with it," Heatherclaw explained to him.

Firestar stared. "FOR FUCKING REAL?" Firestar shrieked before jumping on Heatherclaw. She scratched him and launched him off of her.

"HUGEDUDE! RESTRAIN HIM!" One of the burly tomcats who had carried him from the waiting room came over and tied Firestar up with some licorice that was in seemingly came from nowhere.

"That should work, my darling beautiful Heatherclaw!" Hugedude meowed with love towards Heatherclaw.

"I have a mate, mousebrain. Back off," Heatherclaw hissed. She then glared at Firestar before stalking off.

**I KNOW! It was short. I only introduced one cat in this chapter. Her name is Heatherclaw and she was sent in by Lacey-The-Invisible-Ninja. I hope I've done her justice so far! I plan on updating really super soon! I promise you! I swear on my brother's grave, okay? I don't ever break that one. This chapter wasn't that funny. It's msotly just a filler chapter. I'm going to start putting in a question that you have to answer in a review! Sound fun? No? Too bad. Answer it.**

**THE QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER: What do you do when you are super bored? I read. Or sleep. Or watch the TV. Yupp. Or if my friends aren't busy (which they usually are, because they play bunches of sports) I hand out with them.**

**REVIEW! A Bad one, a nice one, I don't care. Flames? Hell Yeah. I still want them!**


	22. Scrabble

**OMJ! I'm sooooo sorry! I realized in my last chapter I accidently deleted a sentence... this proves I must proof read. The sentence was, "Firestar looked around the room of death." I'm sorry I didn't update! I lied. Sorry...**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Warriors. The Erin Hunters own this fabulous series.**

Firestar stared down at his stuffed rabbit who he had named, Really Amazing Brown Beautiful iPod Tom. R.A.B.B.I.T for short. He shook R.A.B.B.I.T, trying to find something interesting to do with him. He look up as a knock sounded at the door. Dapplesong, a tortoisehell she-cat counselor, entered the room. A white, gray fleckled she-cat trailed behind her. Her neon green eyes were huge as she looked at Firestar.

"This is Flurryspots. She is one of our recovering patients. Since you two are the only cats who have been very well-behaved lately, you two get to play a board game together. Please choose wisely as it is the only entertainment you will get for the next week," Dapplesong mewed sweetly. Firestar glared at the she-cat.

"Who said I wanted to play a game?" He growled. Dapplesong's whole demeanor changed instantly as she narrowed her eyes and moved closer to Firestar. She lashed out a paw with her claws unsheathed and scratched him.

"You ARE playing a game! NOW PICK!" Dapplesong screamed in his face. Firestar swallowed and nodded.

"Um, Flurryspots, what do you want to play?" Firestar inquired of the other patient.

"How about Scrabble? I LOVE that game," She answered, a smile on her face. Firestar was horrible at scrabble. Everyone in the whole entire world knew it. He just couldn't get the concept. He nodded, glancing at Dapplesong to make sure she approved. The she-cat was smiling now and nodding.

"Of course! I'll go get it right now!" Dapplesong pranced off, leaving Flurryspots and Firestar alone. Flurryspots turned to Firestar.

"So, you're the ThunderClan Leader. Cool. I've heard about you. You're suposed to be really heroic and stuff, right?" She meowed, making small talk. Firestar nodded.

"Yeah. I saved Skyclan, Riverclan, Thunderclan, Windclan, and Shadowclan. I do EVERYTHING. I am amazing. There was a prophecy about me. But I don't want to brag, so I'n going to change the subject for no apparent reason. Is Dapplesong bipolar?" He asked.

"Oh, yes. She was diagnosed long ago. I'm not sure why she's a counselor... but hey, who am I to judge? Or you, for that matter. We eat other cats," Flurryspots pointed out. Dapplesong came skipping into the room, holding Scrabble above her head.

** Question: What is your favorite board game? Mine is Clue. This time you guys, I have already written half of the next chapter, so it should be up soon!**

**Flurryspots was submitted by Flurryspots and Dapplesong was submitted by ****Bluebell of the Long Patrol (Nice cats, by the way! Thanks for them!)**

** FLAMES!**


	23. The voice

**Thanks for all the reviews, you guys! Look how fast I am updating this... That takes some serious skills. Or motivation. Who knows? Clue seemed like a popular choice for favorite board game, everyone! I find Clue to be just amazing...**

**DISCLAIMER: **

**Firestar: You don't own me.**

**Me: I don't own, like, anything at all in this story.**

**Firestar: HAHA! SUCKS TO BE YOU!**

**Me: Shut up.**

"PIE! I MADE THE WORD, PIE!" Firestar shrieked as he finally got another word. The last word he had placed was potato and that had been 2 hours ago. Flurryspots had never won so easily in her life. She laughed as Firestar jumped up and started doing his "happy dance", which involved him spinning on his tail.

"TIME FOR C.E.A!" A loud voice sounded through the rooms. Firestar looked around, his eyes widening.

"It's the voice again!" He said in a hushed tone. Flurryspots giggled and turned to him.

"Firestar... that's the intercom. It's time for us to go have a meeting with the other counselors and some of the other patients," She explained soothingly. Firestar just nodded and stood up. Hugedude walked over from his spot near the door and grabbed Firestar by the ear.

"Last time he had a meeting, he almost escaped," Hugedude explained. Flurryspots raised an eyebrow.

"How?" She inquired. Hugedude blushed and shrugged. Firestar smirked.

"It was simple. All I did was tell Hugedude that Heatherclaw was looking for him and he was GONE! Poof! Like he was never there..." Firestar burst out in evil laughter. This surprised Hugedude so much, he let go of Firestar's ear. This proved to be a rather large mistake. Firestar pounced on Hugedude, holding him down, while Flurryspots tied him up with his own floss.

'"Delicious! I haven't had cat in MONTHS!" Flurryspots purred. Her and Firestar moved in on the large cat as he tried to call out for help, but his tail stuffed in his mouth prevented the shouts from being heard. Firestar opened his mouth, biting down...

***CENSORED BECAUSE THE AUTHOR DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY WHEN A CAT IS EATING ANOTHER CAT OR MAYBE JUST BECAUSE THE IDEA SORT OF DISGUSTS HER***

"We're screwed now, aren't we?" Firestar asked Flurryspots as he licked his lips. She nodded slowly as she gnawed on Hugedude thigh bone.

**Whhhaaaatttt? It was too short? Too bad. At least I updated!**

**THE QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER: What is your favorite food? Mine is ice cream and Firestar's is fried cat with a hint of lemon. Delicious! =D**

**I'll update A.S.A.P. And for once, I think I actually might! **

**Love you all so very, very much (except for you super creepy stalker people... oh wait. I have a bunch of friends like that... nevermind!),**

**Brittany~  
**


	24. An Episode of The Twilight Zone

**Okay... you guys, no more cat forms. I have, like, a million of them. I do not KNOW how they will all get in here. I haven't the slightest idea. I will (hopefully) figure it out. Oh! By the way, if I was giving out an award for BEST FLAME EVER, I would choose this one... it's hilarious. Maybe the person was serious? I don't know. It's just funny.**

**YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH. THIS STORY IS SICK AND TWISTED. I CAN'T BELIEVE**  
**YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY. GOD YOU MUST BE FUCKING INSANE. YOU AND YOUR SHITTY**  
**JOKES WILL BURN IN HELL YOU GOAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! FUCK YOU FUCK YOUR**  
**WHORE OF A MOTHER AND FUCK THE ASS OF THE HORSE SHE GAVE HEAD TO FOR $5. GOD**  
**FUCKING DAMNIT I HOPE YOU DIE. FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU'RE GONNA GET ASS**  
**FUCKED TO DEATH BY NIGGERS. I SHIT ON YOUR FACE YOU DISGUSTING FAGGOT!**

**I must say, the use of the n- word and the words faggot are rather horrible. I suppose this person doesn't know how not to swear. But I found it rather funny, if offensive to some people.**

**DISCLAIMER: **

**Firestar: She doesn't own me.**

**Me: No. I don't.**

**Firestar: Does that mean I can leave?**

**Me: No. ABSOLUTELY NOT.**

"YOU ATE HUGEDUDE?" Luckypelt exclaimed in joy. "I've always wanted to do that!" The black she-cat laughed. Her white paws were handcuffed to a chair. Firestar assumed she had tried to escape before.

"You're so LUCKY! I haven't eaten cat for AGES!" Another black she-cat, whose name was Violetstreak, burst into tears. Though her serious karate skills had gotten her past her CSI (Cat Secret Intelligence) assigned body guards in the past, she was now stuck in a straight jacket. She glared at the bodyguards. The bodyguards' faces were impossible to read behind the sunglasses.

"I know! We were all NINJA! It was so AMAZING!" Firestar giggled. Him and Flurryspots had been handcuffed to their chairs also, but still got to attend the meeting. The meeting had five other cats in it. Luckypelt, Violetstreak, a tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes named Moon In Open Sky, a honey colored she-kit whose name was Superkit, and a silver tabby she-cat named Streampebble. Firestar slowly realized he was the only male in the room. It was sort of creepy. He looked to the counselor, who was also a female named Blazeflower. He pelt was black too. There was a white splotch on her chest and her ears and tail were white. Firestar felt as if he was in an episode of _The Twilight Zone._ Something where a tom was trapped by she-cats and was then eaten.

"Would you cats be quiet? We need to talk about your problems! Firestar, how does it feel to be stuck in a mental facility even though you are the greatest leader of all time?" Blazeflower inquired of Firestar. All of a sudden, Violetstreak broke out of her straight jacket, kicked her guards in the face and jumped through a glass window. All in under 15 seconds.

"HOLY POTATO! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Firestar screamed.

**Okay, Moon, Superkit, and Streampebble will definitely be popping back up. I'm not just gonna mention them and never ever talk about them again. Luckypelt and Violetsteak will also be back (Well, maybe not Violetstreak, she did escape after all...) Thanks Luckystar102 (For Luckypelt)**, **TheVioletGleek (For Violetstreak), Splotchpelt (For Moon), Blazeflower (for Blazeflower... duh), and Rabbitygoodness (for Superkit). Oh! By the way, I completely neglected studying for midterms to write this. Be grateful! Even if it is short...  
**

**~Brittany  
**


	25. Grumpy Firestar

**Oh My God. I haven't updated in literally more than a year! I guess it's because I just didn't know where to go with this… so… I'm basically just starting over, kind of. It's totally and completely stupid but I just… don't know what to do with it. I also went on Fanfiction and decided to go check out the stats for my stories. And I guess this story is on multiple lists/forums thingies (I've never even looked at the forums -_-) and I was like… I should update this. I mean, one of the lists is called: The Best, Most Updated Stories That Ever Walked the Planet. And I was like, I'm just shit for ignoring this for more than a year. It also has over 20,000 hits which just boggles my mind. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. Seriously.**

It had been a week since Firestar had broken out from rehab. He refused to go back once he made it back home. The huge fight the ensued involved an odd mix of kicking, yodeling, and times new roman font… but that's really another story. Firestar was relaxing in his den, just kicking back in an easy chair, drinking a coke, and watching Jersey Shore. Firestar laughed as Snookie fell over the 20th time in the same amount of minutes. He looked up as Spottedleaf entered the room. He glared at her.

"What do _you_ want?" He growled at his once beloved lover. She sighed. Firestar had been angry the whole week since she had suggested he go back to C.E.A.

"I'm just here to let you know that Graystripe has prepared Dustpelt for you. Just the way you like it… fried with a hint of lemon," Spottedleaf informs him. She gestures toward the entrance which Graystripe enters through, carrying a silver platter with a cover hiding the contents due to Spottedleaf's sensitive stomach. Graystipe sets the tray gently on top of the coffee table in front of Firestar. Firestar nods and shoos the two of them away. They don't leave, however.

"What are you two doing? I want to eat my dinner in peace," He growls. Firestar had developed into a moody cat lately and there wasn't a single cat in the whole territory that enjoyed his attitude change. He was mostly so grumpy because he was only aloud to have half a cat for dinner. He had to eat normal food for breakfast and lunch. Before, he had been able to do whatever he wanted and now he was being watched and restricted like he was in prison. The only difference was he could bend over if he dropped the soap in the shower without fear of being raped. He shuddered as a horrible image came to mind and he immediately shooed the image away.

"Sorry, Firestar, no can do. We have to keep you on constant watch. Like Big Brother, that show that no one watches," Graystripe told him. "But Spottedleaf can leave since we don't want her to vomit when you eat your dinner." Spottedleaf kisses Firestar on the cheek before getting out of the den as fast as she can.

"I don't know what her problem is… it's just Dustpelt. No one liked him anyway," Firestar muttered as he lifted the cover from the tray and dug in to his dinner with gusto. Once he was finished, he smiled and patted his belly, finally content. Graystripe tried to hide his look of disgust. "Wanna play some Go Fish, Graystripe? I'm sick of Snookie and the Situation… they're the same color as me," Firestar grabbed a pack of cards from the side table next to him.

"Sure! I love a good game of Go Fish!" Graystripe's smile was huge. It was as if Firestar was back to normal! He threw himself down on a chair and him and Firestar began an epic game of Go Fish.

**I should go write my English paper now… too bad I can't think of a memory to write about. Then I should probably read Phantom of the Opera for French class…. Ehhhhh…. No.**

**Loves to you all. Don't forget a flame!**


	26. Firestar Attacked

**I need to re-write the first, like, ten chapters because well… the first chapter is about two sentences long? Haha.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the idea for Firestar eating other cats.**

Later that night, after Graystripe had gone back to his den, Spottedleaf crept quietly in Firestar's den. The den was pitch black and it was impossible for Spottedleaf to see a single thing. She bumped into a table and swore quietly.

"Firestar? Firestar? Where are you?" Spottedleaf whispered into the den. When there was no reply she turned on the lamp, hoping to shine some light on the quiet Firestar situation (no pun intended… well… maybe). She gasped when the light revealed a terrible sight. "Oh My Starclan… what the Dark Forest happened to you?" Spottedleaf shrieked.

Firestar was curled up in the middle of the kitchen in the fetal position, silently crying. He was surrounded by gummy bears, Swedish fish, and hot dogs. There was jelly smeared all over his fur, and the candy and hotdogs were stuck. There were two hot dogs protruding from his ears and his tail was wrapped in saran wrap. There was a fake cat head hanging from his mouth, but the worst sight of all of this was a message on the wall. Written in what appeared to be blood was: Go Live With Tigerstar, Cat Eater. Spottedleaf began to cry upon reading the message.

Outside of the den, Brambleclaw was on his way back to the warriors den when he heard Spottedleaf's sobbing. He decided to check out the situation, thinking that a crying cat is not a good thing. He poked his head in the door, only able to see the TV area, not the kitchen. He saw the lights in the kitchen, where the sobs were coming from. He entered the den, afraid to see what was happening. When he got to the kitchen, he gasped.

"Graystripe! Grayyyyystripeeeeee! Get in Firestar's den right fucking now! Now, Graystripe, now!" Brambleclaw yowled for the gray cat, knowing someone needed to comfort the couple. He stared at the message. "Holy Starclan. Is that written in blood?" Brambleclaw muttered. Spottedleaf nodded and pointed to a gash on Firestar leg, where there was dried up blood. "They used his blood? That's fucking cruel!" Brambleclaw was astonished. However, he was only astonished at the brutality of the scene. He had been expecting some backlash for Firestar's cannibalism but nothing on this level.

"What are we going to do? Firestar, are you all right, bud? Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Graystripe's voice came from the entrance, its tone changing from panicked to comforting, as he moved into the room and patted Firestar's shoulder. Firestar whimpered, but didn't move. Graystripe looked at Brambleclaw. "Some help here, buddy?" Graystripe raised an eyebrow. Brambleclaw hurried over to Firestar and helped Graystripe lift him up to bring him to the bathroom. Once they were there, Graystipe set him down. "Call a clan meeting. Clean the kitchen up. Damage control, Brambley, damage control," Graystipe ordered the deputy, who looked bewildered and welcomed the order. Brambleclaw rushed off. "Oh! And do something with Spottedleaf!" Graystripe yowled after him.

Graystripe turned his attention to Firestar, whispering soothing words. He then began to question him as he unwrapped his tail. "Fire, my main man, who the Dark Forest did this to you? I need answers, Firey, so we can get them fucked up. I wanna know who attacked my bff in the whole entire world," Graystripe murmered. Firestar nodded and began his story as Graystripe wet a sponge to get the jelly off his fur.

"Yo-you just left after Go Fish. I wa-was in the kitchen, getting a bowl of gummy bears for the marathon of Glee, and they just showed up like ninjas. T-they were dressed in total black with masks on. One of them, it was a she-cat, I think she was white, flipped my gummy bears from my hand and ordered the other two to get hot dogs, Swedish fish, and jelly. Then they put it all over my fur and, and, and… put hot dogs in my ears, and then wrapped my p-poor tail in saran wrap. And she t-t-t-to-to-took out that head and p-put it in my mo-mo-mouth and I couldn't breatheeeee," Firestar collapsed into tears, looking utterly defeated. Graystipe pat his friend's head and encouraged him to continue.

"Then they cut my leg open! They cut my fucking leg open, Graystripe!" Firestar screamed, hiss tears suddenly stopping, replaced with a look of cold-blooded fury. "Graystripe, I faught them. I gotta have some of their DNA under my claws!" Firestar held out his paws, waiting for Graystripe to cotton swab them. Graystripe obeyed and quickly grabbed some cotton swabs and swabbed in his paws several times, dropping each swab in an individual baggy. Firestar puffed out his chest and swiped the sponge from Graystripe. "I got this from here, Graystripe. Go find those mother fucking, son-of-a-bitch, cowards. Go, now!" Firestar ordered, his voice sounding like the great leader her had once been. Graystripe stared, wondering if Firestar was going to revert back to his old self. He darted out of the bathroom to go test the swabs. The second he left, Firestar smiled at himself in the mirror, wondering if was going crazy.

"Yes, yes I am..." Firestar trailed off, his smile fading. He stared at his reflection, wondering is he was still the same cat that had entered the old forest many moons ago. No, no he was not. Rusty would have never eaten another cat.

Graystripe entered the super secret room that was housed under the the camp, only accessible by a super secret code and a super secret eye scan and a super secret elevator.

"I think it's time we told Firestar… and the rest of the world…" Graystripe informed the other cats gathered around the long, rectangular table in the center of the room. He sat down at the head, and folded his paws as he surveyed the cats.

"I don't think we should yet. We need to let this continue on a little bit longer, to satisfy Starclan and to prepare Firestar," a female voice told Graystripe. Graystripe nodded, seeing the wisdom of the solution.

"If you say so. Now, we have something else important to discuss… and it is… April Fools Day. Last year, some cat put pink dye in my volume-izing, softening, silk-a-fying shampoo! My fur was pink for three months! Three months! That meanie… who did it to me? Tell me! I've been waiting almost a whole fucking year to get them back! Tell me, or I'll make you all spend a day with Lady Gaga _and_ Justin Bieber! You got that?" Graystripe hissed at the other cats as he leaned forward aggressively in his seat. The other cats shrank back from him, slightly afraid. "I swear I have them on speed dial! Do you _want_ me to call them? Because I will!" Graystripe threatened. He stood up and began to pace, pulling his cellphone from his pocket. Graystripe was wearing a suit, a gray one. How and when he had managed to put a suit on, who knows?

"It was Cloudtail! I swear!" one of the cats admitted. Graystripe smiled an evil smile, then hit the #5 button on his phone.

"Hey, Miley! Wanna go for a ride on my big green tractor?" Graystripe purred into the phone. His face turned surprised as her response.

"Whaaat? No, no, it wasn't sexual! I actually want to know if you want to go for a ride on this big green tractor I have. Of course, you have to bring Cloudtail with you… yes, yes… could it be in Tennessee? I know how much he loooves Tennessee! Oh, and I'm thinking Justin and Saleena could join! Yeah! I know! A big party! Oki Doki! See you later! Bye, bye, now," Graystripe quickly pushed a button, effectively ending the call. He dropped the phone back in his pocket.

"Why is there a tractor involved?" a cat from around the table inquired. Graystipe laughed maniacly.

"He hates tractors. Scares him to death. I've mixed together everything he hates all into one. Did I mention that the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and Britney Spears will be playing nonstop?" Graystripe smirked again. "You don't mess with Graystripe."

**That was intense. Not very funny… um… yeah…**

**Ohhh, what's the big secret? Any guesses?**

**I think this will be ending in a few chapters… sorry everyone who has enjoyed flaming this over the years. Yes, it has actually been years, as in plural! I'm amazed too. It has gotten rather popular, and has definitely grown. I'm proud of it. But it's been such a long time since I've had any interest in writing about other people's characters. So, yes, this story is drawing to an end.**

**Love you all,**

**Britt.**


	27. One Direction

**I know, it's been a while. As you may or may not recall, we last saw Firestar after a brutal attack. Graystripe has a big secret with the rest of the senior warriors. Let's get going.**

"Firestar... we found out who did it to you," Graystripe informed the leader. Firestar had changed in the past few days since the attack. He hadn't eaten any cat meat, hadn't watched tv, and hadn't even touched his laptop for anything but work. Firestar glanced up from the Cat Times he was reading. There was an article about him in it, an excerpt from a new book.

"Listen to this , Graystripe. 'Firestar was the greatest leader the cat world had ever seen. No one could believe the awful stories of cannibalism that was happening in Firestar's clan, at his very own paws.' This stuff is rubbish! Absolute rubbish! Why didn't anyone inform me that there was an unauthorized biography about me coming out? It's called, The Rise and Downfall of Firestar, Leader of ThunderClan. This is wrong! On so many levels!" Firestar crumpled up the newspaper and threw it at the trash, but it narrowly missed. Firestar cursed and rubbed his temples with his paws.

"Yes, yes, Firestar, I know. What a generic title. Sounds like something written about Tigerstar or even Hitler. Anyway, the cats who did it? They are a part of an elite group that call themselves, The Cat Defenders. Well, the whole group has been brought in for questioning and will probably be placed in jail. Whether we can prove it or not," Graystripe said before picking up the crumpled newspaper and carefully placing it in the trash. "But once the truth is revealed, that book will discredited," Graystripe said in a comforting tone. Firestar looked at him.

"What on earth do you mean? The truth is revealed? What truth?" Firestar questioned his deputy. Graystripe shrugged and left the den before Firestar could actually get some answers from him. On his way out, he ran into a bunch of young she-cats, each with their own cardboard cutout.

"What are you she-cats doing?" Graystripe asked suspiciously. One of them looked up from the cardboard cutout she was licking.

"Making love to One Direction... duh..." she rolled her eyes and went back to licking Harry's face.

"One Direction?" Graystripe asked, his brow bunching. Another cat, this one with a cutout of Liam, glanced at him in disgust.

"THE BEST BAND EVER? THEY ARE LIKE, OMS, SO HOT. I WANT TO HAVE THEIR BABIES LIKE RIGHT NOW. AND THEN I CAN TELL THE BABIES THAT I MET THEIR DADDIES WHEN I CLIMBLED IN THE BEDROOM WINDOW AND CUT SOME OF HARRY'S HAIR OFF TO KEEP IN A LOCKET! OMS, THEY ARE JUST SO AWESOME!" a white she-cat shrieked. She then hissed at Graystripe out of dissappointment for his having no knowledge of the "best band ever". Graystripe backed away slowly holding his paws up in defense.

"Dear Starclan, what has this world come to?" Graystripe looked up the sky, hoping for answers.

… **Would it be awkward if I told you that I can't remember what the "truth" is? I better come up with something.  
Any suggestions? Haha.**


	28. The Unfortunate Problem

**Oh, hello there. It's been only two months since the last chapter. Not even! Aren't y'all proud of me? I know that I am. Okay. So. Let's get this story rolling!  
BUT WAIT.  
Oh My God Guys! 27,085 views on this story?! HOLY BEJESUS POTATO PIE.  
NOW, let's get this story rolling.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, I don't own any brands mentioned in this story. I do own the idea of Firestar being a cannibal as I have yet to see any other stories that have that as the story line.**

"Jello, Jello, the magical food! I love Jelloooooo. It is yummy and delicious, tasty and magical! Everyone should eat it! Who cares what it's made out of! It's way yummier than cats! Because I can't eat cats anymore! Because it's really, really bad! Soooo, jello! It is my new favorite food!" Firestar sang as he dug into a giant bowl of orange jello. He chewed thoughtfully, thinking about how, in fact, jello was not better tasting than cats. But he was on a new cat-free diet! He had to stop with his unfortunate tendencies. It was very bad for his career to continue eating cats. But what if he ate only the bad cats? That would make it good, right? Right? Firestar heaved a great sigh and decided to ask Graystripe about this deep moral matter.

"GRAYSTRIPE. GRAYSTRIPE. COME HERE. I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!" Firestar screamed from the front of his den. The gray cat came running quickly, always eager to help Firestar.

"Yes, Firestar?" Graystripe asked the leader who was thoughtfully licking his paw.

"What if… I only eat bad cats? Like murderers and rapists and stuff? Wouldn't that make me good?" Firestar questioned his bff.

"Well… some kitties may look at it that way. But I'm sure that others would see it for what it is- a cover up for your… erm… unfortunate… problem."

"Right. Well. It was just an idea…" Firestar sighed again, which he seemed to do a lot of. He walked away, his tail dragging in the dust. Graystripe also sighed.

"Oh, Firestar… just wait… soon the truth will be revealed and you won't feel so horrible anymore!" Graystripe whispered and went to deal with the creepily obsessed young she-cats in the clan. They had reportedly built a shrine to Harry's hair. He found that very worrisome.

LATER ON, THAT VERY SAME DAY, AT ABOUT 8 AT NIGHT (You guys must read this in a deep, movie voice… k?)

"GUYS. LISTEN TO ME. FIRESTAR IS SUFFERING FROM SOME SERIOUS ISSUES. HE NEEDS TO BE TOLD THE TRUTH!" Graystripe argued with the cats around the big round table.

"Graystripe, we understand your point, but if we tell him the truth, we'll ruin the experiment! You DO understand the importance of this experiment, don't you, Graystripe? It is for the future of the clans!" a cat argued back.

"I don't care! I think we've proved enough with this stupid experiment of yours, Bluestar! Don't you care about Firestar? This is RUINING him!" Graystipe shrieked.

"Bluestar, Graystripe has a valid point. I suggest we reveal the truth in a week's time. To see if his new issues with his unfortunate problem will prevent him from continuing with this destructive behavior," Lionheart said. Graystripe glared at the cats around the table, stomped his foot, then left the room.

"Hmmph, stupid idiotic cats. If Firestar DOESN'T commit suicide before the week's end, we'll be lucky!"Graystipe muttered under his breath and went to his den, where Millie was waiting.

"What did they say?" she asked worriedly. He collapsed on their nest, and rubbed his temples.

"That the experiment isn't over. We get to tell him in a week. I'm just worried about what will happen in that weeks' time…" he trailed off. Millie began massaging his shoulders, trying to comfort her gray warrior.

MIDNIGHT (deep movie voice, again)

"HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. HOUSTON, COME IN! OMS, I'M ALL ALONEEEEEE. WITH NO ONE TO HOLD ME!" Firestar cried into his pillow. He didn't know who Houston was, but he wasn't helping him.

"Firestar? Honey boo pie? Cupcakey monkey kins?" Spottedleaf began stroking Firestar's head.

"Yes, dear muffin joo joo face?" Firestar muttered.

"Why are you screaming for Houston?" Spottedleaf inquired.

"Because I need help! I'M ALL ALONE!" Firestar burst into hysterics again. Spotted leaf sighed and hugged him.

"Shh, no you aren't… I'm here…" Spottedlead whispered into his ear. It was obvious to her that Firestar was losing his mind and she could do nothing but watch.

**Is it just me, or is this story getting more… intense? Maybe it's because I'm delving into the deep emotional issues Firestar is having. Have you guys figured out what the truth is yet? Hmm? Well, I have to go add more sparkles to my nails, as I've just noticed they aren't quite sparkly enough for my taste. Have a WONDERFULLY AMAZING DAY, my little oompa monkey pie cuddly kins.**


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